


Quite the View

by BeeScribbles



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Depression, Everyone Needs A Hug, Mentions of self-harm, Other, Platonic Relationships, Suicide Attempt, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-12 03:10:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11728269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeeScribbles/pseuds/BeeScribbles
Summary: You had a fairly happy life, supportive friends, and big paycheck. Yet there was barely stars in the sky, and the moon wasn't as bright as you remembered it. You had been dragged into such a dark place that you ended up on top of Stark tower, at 1 in the morning, leaning just a little too much over the edge.





	Quite the View

It's cold. Very cold. Yet here you were, wearing nothing but a tank top and a pair of sweats. No shoes. You hugged yourself trying to keep your shaking body at ease. It was almost impossible.  
  
You looked around at all the surrounding buildings, you were standing atop one of the tallest. Your hair whipped in the harsh night wind, if the wind had been pushing any harder you would have already been on the ground, guts decorating the streets below you.  
  
You had been planning this for weeks. 23 restless nights filled of tossing and turning. 15 days of skipped breakfast. 20 days of skipped dinner. 22 days of skipped lunch. 6 days of not eating at all. You stopped drawing, you stopped singing, and if it wasn't for the guilt of making your friends feel bad, you would have stopped talking too. You spent most days in your room, sitting at the edge of your bed staring at the floor for what must have been hours. The others would occasionally check on you, they knew you were suffering. You had lost a significant amount of weight, your hair was rarely combed, and your lack of showers were becoming noticable.  
  
Now here you were, listening to the music the city below you produced. It was a long way down and you were so tempted- no determined to count how many seconds would go by until you reached the bottom. Yet you knew you couldn't go through with it. Not because you didn't want to, but because you knew a certain AI would alert the team that someone was standing at the edge of the roof. And if you had jumped, JARVIS was programmed to send out a suit. This is why you weren't surprised to hear a recognisable voice -belonging to one of the towers inhabitants- ask you, "It's quite a view, isn't it?"  
  
You didn't turn around, you didn't have to. Instead you just lifted your chin, and released a long, shaky breath, one you didn't realise you were holding. It was only now that you realised how fast your heart was pumping, or how hard your hands were shaking. Reaching a hand to remove a stubborn hair from your face, a small gasp escaped your lungs when you felt something wet. You didn't realize you had been crying.  
  
"You're shivering...", his usually confident voice seemed sad now, and you knew you were to blame for that. "Jesus (y/n), you must be freezing!"   
  
At that you heard a zipper, then some sort of shuffle before his footsteps approached you. His hands reached towards you before wrapping his heavy jacket around your shoulders. You panicked momentarily, wanting to say something but not being sure if you could. With heavy anxiety and maximum effort, you croaked out a tiny "Thank you", before looking down at your bare feet, your hands grabbing at the jacket, wrapping yourself in the new, comforting warmth.  
  
He was so caring, everyone was, and now you were mentally beating yourself over the guilt that now uninvitedly rested itself on your shoulders. How could you be so selfish? You couldn't imagine how the team would be feeling if you had dared to jump, what was wrong with you anyways? You had a fairly happy life, supportive friends, and big paycheck. Yet there was barely stars in the sky, and the moon wasn't as bright as you remembered it. You had been dragged into such a dark place that you ended up on top of Stark tower, at 1 in the morning, leaning just a little too much over the edge.  
  
You looked at your wrists, faded scars from your teens years decorated them, it should be enough to tell you "You can make it!", but unfortunately that was not the case. You averted your gaze to the man now standing next to you, noting the way his hair was disheveled, the way dark bags had formed under his eyes, and the way his usually bright eyes now seemed faded and glassy, tears piled at the rims.  
  
"Tony?" You whispered, and he immediately shook his head and sniffled, trying to compose himself and not look weak infront of you. He sighed heavily and put his arm around you, still not looking into your eyes in fear that what he would see would break him. After long tense silence, you decided to clear your throat, "It is", you spoke, to which he hummed in question.

"It is quite the view", you clarified. The corners of his mouth twitched, and he nodded. He lifted his head to look at the city around him, and you joined him. Now that he was here, the city looked different, and you took in the beauty. You let out a sigh in awe, and you felt at peace -it wouldn't last long, but for now, you would enjoy it. Ah, the city lights. Suddenly you were amazed. From the busy streets that never seemed to rest, to flickering lights illuminating entrances to bars and if he businesses alike. It all seemed so...  _alive_. It was in that moment the you realized, that's exactly what you wanted to be, alive. Not dead, splattered on the street with onlookers surrounding you; panicked, worried voices, cars honking and sirens in the distance. No, that's not what you wanted. You wanted to wake up everyday to the smell of Clint cooking pancakes, and JARVIS brewing coffee. To the sound of the team's cackling laughter at whatever conversation they were having. God you loved them. You loved every aspect of them, even their constant bickering at eachother. You loved this city, and you vowed to protect it, and you weren't about to let your people down.  
  
You couldn't cure your depression, you knew that. Sometimes not even medication could help, but at that moment you knew you couldn't lose this battle. You would fight back, for however long it may take you, but you'd do it for them- the team, you'd do it for the people that depended on you, for your siblings, but more importantly, you're doing it for yourself. It sucked, not having the motivation to even get out of bed sometimes, but you could push through, you were strong, and the team had always and will always be there to support you. You smiled, "Let's go inside." Tony hummed in acknowledgement, but before you could turn around he grabbed your arm and pulled you into a desperate embrace. You didn't know why, wether it be the fact that you just tried to kill yourself but that dumb AI was just too intelligent, or wether it be that it just hit you up much it would affect team, but you started crying. With your head buried in his chest, and his in your hair, the two of you broke into a chorus of ugly sobs, sniffles, and wheezes. He was wrapped around you as if his life itself depended on it, as if he let you go, you would disappear forever, but you weren't complaining. If it was up to you you'd stay there in his arms forever, it was warm and comforting, and it made you feel so... peaceful, well, maybe minus the tears on your shoulders.  
  
After a few minutes of catching your breath and composing yourselves the two of you headed back inside, you tucked under his arm, him rubbing small, soothing circles on your shoulder. Once you were in the elevator you started panicking, what's going to happen now? Would things just go back to normal? What will the others say? What won't they say? What will they think?! Surely they were all made aware of this little- let's say incident. You dwelled on the thought of this being labeled an 'incident', it made it seem like a minor problem. No- this was a suicide attempt, and everyone was probably worried sick, and they would think about this for days- no years to come!  
  
You started trembling, your foot rapidly tapping  on the ground, it only took Tony a few seconds to notice the nervous atmosphere. "Hey, it's going to be fine" he told you. But nothing he could say or do would calm your racing heart, or put your mind at ease. Your eyebrows knitted together and you suddenly found it hard to breathe. Oh my god, what will they think? It started to feel cold again and the tears were well on their way. What would they think of you? Oh god- it was the sound of the elevator that broke you out of your thoughts, and you let out a shaky breath. Tony guided you through the corridor and you could see a light coming from the kitchen, joined by worried mumbles. He halted and turned towards you, "I'll tell the others that you're fine and to go to bed", but before he could do so you grabbed his arm, "No... they deserve to see me" you insisted.

He searched your eyes for a moment, his lips slightly parted, before sighing heavily and nodding. Giving him a reassuring smile, you took a deep breath to calm your own anxiety and passed him, taking the lead towards the kitchen. When you finally came into view, the quiet chatter between the group fell to a deadly silence. Everyone's eyes were locked on you, their faces frozen in shocked disbelief. Once you scanned all of your friends faces, a little voice in your mind set this moment at the top of the list for: The worst you have ever felt. You have never seen a team if "Earths mightiest heroes" look so broken in your entire like. It made you want to crumble, to just collapse right there on the ground and cry till you couldn't breathe, dooming you to your death. But no, you had to stay strong for them. Their eyes were red and swollen, and even the biggest members of the team looked so... small. You wanted to hug each and everyone of them and tell them every thing was going to be okay. But not even you were so sure of that.  
  
Natasha was the first one to move, she was your best friend. She practically ran towards you and nearly knocked you over when she embraced you. You've only seen her cry once before, seeing it again, now, just made you want bury yourself alive. But you had to stay strong, so you smiled against her hair, trying so hard to swallow the tears now pricking at your eyes. "I love you" was all you could say- whisper, as you stroked her hair. She slowly pulled away and quickly wiped away her tears, clearing her throat and giving you a small smile, and God- that smile was everything. After her, each one of your friends would step forward and hug you, as the two of you would exchange small I love you's or something to that concept. You cracked a joke about wanting to start charging them for hugs which earned you weak chuckles, small smiles, and one long, comforting group hug.  
  
The next few minutes contained quiet discussions of what would come next, followed by questions like: "Are you sure you're okay?", "Are you going to start seeing your therapist again?", "Do you need anything?", among many more. At a very emotional point in your small conversations, you had thanked everyone for their support, and for not being mad at you. You had a lot invasive thoughts about how selfish you were, but anytime one of the group members smiled, it was enough to aid you in pushing those thoughts to the back of your mind. You realized there was someone, you really needed to thank: JARVIS. He told you that you hadn't needed to thank him, for he was just programmed to react, to which you responded "Oh just shut up and take my gratefulness", which earned you a "You are most welcome", and a few laughs from the team. Several jokes, and many tears later, you all decided you should head back to bed before the sun comes up. But who could sleep after what had just happened? No one, especially you, that much was for sure.  
  
You had asked Nat if you could stay with her for the remainder of the night, to which she smiled and agreed to. So that brings us to now: you were staring up at Nat's rooms ceiling, being unable to fall asleep. The depression was still there, but there was something about being here, next to a sleeping Natasha, in this very moment, that made all the demons go away, or at least rest, for a little while.  
  
And you felt,  
  
Happy.


End file.
